This Christmas was wonderful. For once, I was able to relax and spend as much time with my family as I wanted. I wasn't worried about the kids on the unit or counting down the minutes until I had to race back for another shift. My family is great. When it came time to leave Toronto, I found that I couldn't quite say goodbye. So I left with the promise of another visit (one I'll make in a week or so) and jumped in the car feeling slightly sheepish. I need to get better at farewells.
I've been doing my best to practice. But it's an odd feeling, honestly, knowing you won't see someone for over a year. For crying out loud- this guy is going to be walking well before I get back! I need to get better at this, because it's only going to get worse.
I had a long talk with a fellow Africa-lover a couple of weeks ago. She'll be leaving soon for the Sudan, and she shared with me something that she was told at an orientation session. "You will never again be as Canadian as you are on the day you leave for Africa."
The same will be true of me. I will leave on the 7th, and that is the most American I will ever be. Interactions with the people and culture of West Africa will change me. It's as simple as that. And I guess that's why I'm apprehensive. Any other time I've left home, there's been a concrete return in sight. I've never left without a return ticket clutched firmly in my hand. I've never gone off into the Great Unknown without some kind of a map. But I feel like God's prodding me towards the edge of the plank and encouraging me to keep on walking.
And here's the thing. I know I'm committed to Mercy Ships through February of 2009. I know they won't let me stay longer than that. And I know I'll be coming back to the States then. But the thing is, it's not going to be me coming back. Not the me sitting here typing this, at any rate. And I guess that's why saying goodbye is so hard. I'm leaving. This next year is going to be incredibly difficult and rewarding and challenging and satisfying. And I'm never coming back.
I, for one, am not too worried about being unable to recognize you upon your return... because I know the One who is ever-transforming you into His likeness, and I look forward to seeing more of His face in yours!
You should blog more often.
You have ways with words.