So, it turns out my life here is pretty plush. I sleep in an air-conditioned ship that's sometimes too cold. I have electricity and running water and food on my plate. Most of the time, I don't really feel like a missionary. I even have access to the internet right here in my cabin. And because of that, I've gotten into the habit of reading blogs. It's becoming something of a compulsion. Whether it's blogs of friends here on the ship or people I've never met spread out across the world, I'm kind of addicted to other people's words.
The blog world is strange, honestly. I'll admit something right now: the only reason I'm here is because I was lazy. I realized that, coming to Africa, people were going to want to hear from me. And I didn't want to send out tons of mass e-mails, because I wasn't sure I'd know what to say. So I asked my trusty tech support (my brother, which is why my family is handy to have around) to set me up with a Really Easy Blog, and here I am. No mass e-mails for me; I just write whatever comes to my head and people seem to be satisfied with that. It's a pretty sweet deal.
Somewhere along the line, though (pretty early on in my time here) things started to go wrong. Little boys were dying and I was so far from home and I just felt lost and disconnected. And so whatever was in my head wasn't too happy, but still I spilled it out onto the screen, throwing my words into some trackless void where there was no way of knowing whether or not anyone was reading them. (I meant it when I asked for a Really Easy Blog; mine doesn't even have a visitor counter. Not that I'm aware of anyway...)
It doesn't really matter if anyone reads, though. Not really. Writing is cathartic and sharing stories about Sadie and Benjamin and Greg, even if it's just typing them out and sending them into the far reaches of the internet, helps me to sort through them. To catalogue them and file them and somehow walk away from them because there are other little people who need me.
And then I start thinking about all the other people out there, writing words and putting them on the internet for all the world (or maybe no one) to see. I wonder if they need it as much as I do. If they can sleep at night because they've written something down.
Or maybe it's just me.
Either way, I'll keep writing.
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This blog is a nothing more than a place for me to record my rambling thoughts and experiences. As such, any opinions expressed on these pages are uniquely mine, not those of Mercy Ships, the organization I work with.
You are one of God’s rare and precious people: someone who pours out her days one at a time in a living stream of sacrifice. That’s how it comes across, anyway (of course, you only see all the times you stub your toe or jamb your finger or do something else very dumb and petty and human!) But God has given you a life that, at least for now, can be lived to the fullest and without personal regret. Pain, yes; heartbreak and loss, yes; a few mistakes, even; but nothing for which you will be ashamed at the end of a lifetime, I’m sure. Not many can say that; not many have grabbed the nettle with both hands.
I have over 100 blogs that I track, and at the top are three ‘must reads’. I read a lot of blogs by pastors and worship leaders and church technologists about the missional church and the emerging church and Christian outreach; but without question the most evocative, deeply-moving witnesses to God’s Grace in action come from Danielle, Ali and Kristi.
And so you must continue to write. I’m reading.
I came across your blog because of 6yearmed.
Keep writing...you have no idea how many people need to be knocked out of their comfort into the reality of the rest of the world...myself definitely included!
Thanks for writing. BTW - My niece, also a nurse, was in Africa not too long ago. The story and pictures are amazing.