time to breathe

Every six weeks, the ship takes a collective step back and goes on holiday for a day. The long weekends are gold to anyone who's been here more than a couple months, and for once, my on-call schedule actually coincides with my husband's, and I've got tomorrow off.

I don't think I've ever needed a break more than I do right now.

I sit here at my computer, and I'm trying to figure out how to say this without sounding like I'm whining, but I'm coming up empty. So I'm just going to say it: I'm tired. I'm so incredibly tired, and I've only been back for five months. I don't even know how the people who've been here the entire outreach are still standing.

With three weeks of surgery left, we're stretched to our limits. We've finished the two weeks of VVF surgery, but A Ward is filled with the ladies who are still recovering, many with serious complications. Next week's schedule boasts three maxillo-facial surgeons and a slew of complex, highly specialized surgeries on patients that are guaranteed to need long hospital stays.

We're at the end of ourselves, and I know that's where God begins. I know it. It's just that right now, when I've worked every day for the last thirteen, I'm having a hard time seeing it.

So I'm going to take a break. HoJ and I are headed to the beach to stay in a little bungalow overnight, and I'm going to leave my pager and all my racing thoughts behind, and I'm going to enjoy myself. I just got worried, remembering that it rained today, and realizing that there's potential for us to be totally washed out in the only time off I've gotten in a while.

And of course, like he always does, HoJ found a way to make it okay.

If it does that, we'll just get to hear rain.

So I'm going. If it's sunny, I'll enjoy the beach, and if it rains, I'll lie in bed for two straight days and I'll listen to the rain that I never hear through the four decks above me. And it's going to be just what I need.