I'm so sorry that you're struggling, Ali. I hope the typing helps! I'm praying that your faith holds as you face these next steps.
Nancy B. Kennedy
Just read this today from Elisabeth Elliot: "If you dwell on your feelings about things rather than on the faithfulness, love, and mercy of God, then you're likely to have a bad day. Dwelling on the faithfulness and love of God is always safe, because He is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
I'm an old friend of Phil's (one of the Brown's from haliburton) and have been hearing about your story through my family. We are praying.
I don't know if you've heard of him, but a well known blogger Tim Challies would likely love to share your post. I believe many would be impacted and encouraged to pray for you all and your son. Please let me know if you'd like me to share your last blog with Tim; I can appreciate that you may like to keep this private. With love, Jill
Believe me when I say, I know exactly where you are. We (my husband and I) are God-fearing people and know that His will is bigger than ours ever will be. Owen (our 2-yo with multiple CHD's) was unequivically easier to hand over the first time because we knew there was no other way we were going to have a life with him. When we got him home, very few visitors were allowed and visits outside were few and far between. Then six-months cones around and I have to hand him over to an anethesiologist...NO! My heart screamed but again, if we want more life, He must have all of us. Now it's 2 yrs later and I'm preparing to do it again. What have I learned? It's not easy but His yolk is light. He has a perfect plan (regardless the circumstance and our faith), but most of all, He is always for us. Ali, you are doing an amazing job and God sees that just like everyone else. Know He is your strength and guide and know He only wants good for you and little Ethan. You got this! I promise because I know without Him all I have is nothing.