Your words move me deeply. Since visiting Logos Hope in Cork, Ireland last summer, I can picture a tiny bit what your floating world looks like. Your blog posts beautifully describe how a heart poured out gives life and love because your source is from perfect Life and Love. Bless you, dear.
Thanks for making me cry this morning, for pulling me out of my own selfish cares and turning me to Christ. I know He will carry you through and keep you from shutting up your heart. I am praying for you and for these families.
Oh, Ali, I am crying with you for all of these people and the many people they represent! I will pray for strength for you, peace and healing for those you work with.
I have no words of comfort right now but I promise I will be praying He speaks words of comfort and strength into you spirit today and each day. I wish I could give you a hug.
This is one of the reasons I love your blog. You are real. You care. You don't grow numb to the scenes around you. If you didn't experience heartache over the things you see/people you meet then Mercy Ships probably isn't for you. That said, I can only imagine how difficult it is to be where you are doing what you are doing. I can only imagine the true level of heartache you are experiencing. Know that I am lifting you up in prayer. I pray that you would never stop caring. Never stop loving. I pray that God would give you the strength to move forward and the joy and desire to do so.
...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8 v 37-39
Know that your loving Father will pour on you all the love, tenderness and compassion that your broken heart is pouring on these little ones in Jesus' name. You are seeing and caring as Jesus does, being His hands extended to so many who need it so much. Thank you for serving them, even as it tears at your heart, you are blessed to be a blessing.
Ali, the difference between you and so many others who have succumbed to compassion fatigue is that you acknowledge it for what it is and refuse to let it rule your actions. The instinct to protect one's heart and soul is deeply embedded in our DNA; those walls you're throwing up right now will give you some solace, but I know you, and I know that there will always be a little window in that wall that you will never shutter. You could no more turn your back on the Vincents and Espoirs and Michaels of our world than you could fly to Mars.
We who labour in the First World are not immune to this emotional turmoil. When there are a string of deaths on our unit (and they always seem to come in clusters), whether inevitable or ostensibly preventable, I question what we're doing, why and for whom and whether I can keep on doing it. Is it any less distressing to offer all that technology can bring to bear even when the outcome is not going to change... the child will still die?
Know this: Your heart is what makes you Ali. If you lose that, you will lose yourself. And that would be an unspeakable tragedy. You've given your gifts to God and He will not let you fall. Be strong.
I'm having trouble responding to this entry. Everything I try to write falls short of what I really want to say.
Five of my patients were diagnosed with AIDS this week, two others were sent home with terminal illness, yet another was dropped off at our doorstep, covered in feces, completely alone.
The work is heartbreaking and yet we have hope. We wonder how we can get through the day, love yet another dying or suffering person, and God comes through for us. We look back at the years that have already flown by and realize it's all been a testimony to the strength, presence and love of our Father.
May He bless you with his peace and encouragement this week. Thanks for sharing.
I pray for you and the other nurses/doctors and for these precious people you help. Thank you for introducing us to them - we need to know, we need to hear, we need to care.
We live in a broken world, created perfectly by the Father, but marred by sin. In my own life when I have had despair that threatened to bury me, I remind myself that this world is not my home. This isn't ALL there is.
Some day we will see these people in heaven and they will be healed - completely and perfectly - and in the most important way we can be healed.
Well, I didn't plan to write so much. I just wanted you to know that I care.
adding these three to my prayer journal! thanks for your email and promise for emmanuelle! love that verse!! mercy, peace, and love to you sweet friend!
I've been reading you for awhile and just wanted you to know how much I enjoy it. I'm giving you a "beautiful blogger" award (http://www.journey-to-beauty.com/2010/03/awards.html). Now pass it on! and Keep writing!
Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for telling me of these very real struggles and pains---one even in its bleak form, brimming with hope.