Oh Ali. I cried tears of joy when reading this post. What an awesome God we have! I am so very thankfully that He has moved in your heart, that you can truly FEEL His forgiveness in this area. It's so easy to sing "if the Son has set you free, you are free indeed". It takes the work of the Holy Spirit to actually convince us of that truth, so praise God for His work in you and I CANNOT wait to see how He will use it in your life! Keep racing that race girlie!
I just have to say "thank you" for being so open and sharing your journey. This is the type of testimony that helps others see that they too can be set free. And I believe God spoke to you - and I believe He will again! He desires to speak to each of us - if only we will be still and hear Him. Thank you for being real!
Yay! That's fantastic! I know what you mean about carrying scars around. I feel guilty for random stuff from my past all the time, even though I'm free from all of it. I think my guilt is based in pride though. Stupid pride!
But you're not the only woman to struggle with porn use, I blogged about my use here: http://etimodnar.livejournal.com/231242.html
Praise God for speaking to you and really setting you free from your past! I was addicted to pornography from the age of 12 also. I suffered a bad marriage of abuse and rape because I thought it was dangerous and exciting when I was a kid and encouraged my ex-husband in his fantasy life. So when He actually raped me, I thought I deserved it. I thought I had always been asking for it. It wasn't until this past winter, 23 years after the fact, God finally showed me I was a victim of my sin and circumstance. He showed me I didn't deserve to be raped. He showed me, again, i am a new creation with nothing to be ashamed of. I'm so glad He spoke to you and gave you peace now, while you have your whole life ahead of you. He is good! I love your blog and have been following your adventures for over a year now. God bless you!
I love you, my friend - and I thank God for what He has done in my life through you. Now I thank Him for what he has done in your life!
Here is the verse from my devotional study from this morning -
Paul wrote, "[The Lord] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."-2 Corinthians 12:9
Congratulations. It sounds like a powerful awakening to your place in the world- a place that is not only forgiven, but healed.
And, for what it is worth, the admission of a pornography addiction got exactly this response: a slight tilt to the head and a curious "huh." We're all human. Thank you for your bravery in sharing here.
You've always been inspiring in your faith; I'm really glad you've shared this part of your journey. I imagine it will be very helpful for others to read as well.
Ali, I have been following for blog for a couple of years now. And I love the way you write - openly, honestly. The April 2 post has taken that to a whole new level. God bless your vulnerability!
I have a girlfriend who has fell into that pit, too. It's hard and it's shaming and Satan uses it against you. It's a journey to be an overcomer but I thank God you are believing His words and rejecting satan's lies.
Thank you for being willing to share your journey. I will forwarding your post to her - for her to realize again that she is not alone will be such a blessing.
Freedom in Christ really does change everything. Understanding grace changes everything. Now you have a taste of what it is to live abundantly! This abundant life only comes through the path of suffering, Ali. You have suffered. And now you are free!
Thanks so much for sharing something close to your heart. I believe that understanding the various ways porn affects both men and women, is very helpful. So glad that you are open to share, and I am sure your honest writing will assist many!
Beautiful blog, in so many ways!
Maryanne Helms (Tim Challies' sister, he recommended your blog to me a while back! I am not much of a blog reader, but yours is excellent:))
I followed a link to your blog from Tim Challies' blog.
Your story of forgiveness is very moving! Thank you so much for sharing!
It's truly amazing how life changing Jesus can be, when one truly seeks Him. A couple months ago I too shared a difficult story on my blog, and have had a few people open up to me about their struggles, as a result. I believe it's our responsibility to share stories of redemption with others. There are hurting people all around us, and often we don't even realize it. It's people like that who need to hear stories of forgiveness and grace. They need to hear that they can be redeemed through Christ.
So, I'd like to thank you for bearing yourself to do God's work. Bravo!
Hi I am so delighted I found your site, I really found you by accident, while I was searching on Digg for something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like to say thanks for a tremendous post and a all round exciting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don
A friend forwarded this to me because she knew my struggle was that of yours. Thank you for being open to God using your past. I believe there are more women who struggle in silent shame with this same problem. I have for 13 yrs, accepting that Grace is God's to give, not mine to earn. May you be richly blessed for bringing the glory to his name.
Ali,
First, I want to say thank you for your blogs. I love em - I have this dream of doing a term of service on Mercy Ships and so I couldn't get enough of your blogs when you were on the ship, i'm still enjoying your adventures tho! Right now i'm going through nursing school so my dream of Mercy Ships is most likely out in the future pretty far.
Now down to this post. Words can't express how deeply your vulnerable sharing spoke to me. I have been addicted to pornography for a couple of years and just a year ago I confessed and sought help. It's a long, tough, lonely journey to victory and i find myself still overwhelmed & succumbing some days even though i want so desperately to be completely free. If you could bring yourself to share more personally and maybe give me some advice from one who has traveled this journey, i would be eternally grateful if you would email me sometime.
May God richly bless you for being willing to share your struggles and risk reaction/rejection from fellow humans.
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thes 5:23
This was sent to my husband today by a newly found mentor of only 3 weeks. My husband a former sex addict has been set free from this.
So when this was sent to his email today while he was at work, I was curious as to what he and his mentor are discussing. Not that it is a secret.
When I read this, I could not stop. Tears ran down my face... and I knew this was for ME.
Thank You.
I want to write a book, and have for many years, but now I know what the title will be.
Thank You Ali, and PRAISE GOD. What a Mighty God We serve!!
Thank You Jesus.
Your Ankles and Wrists are Beautiful, Perfect, and just one small part of a Masterpiece God created in you. Thank You Thank You. For your bravery.
Thank you for your thoughts. I actually skipped over this post on my google reader and your next post made me want to read back and I was blown away. Not by the fact that you had this secret past but that you were brave enough to put it out in the open. I had a similar strugle as a young woman for 8 years as well, and being freed from it before my 21st birthday. Praise God!! I am curious whether you ever regret waiting this long to post something like this. I am still 21 and imagining what a difference that God could use my own story in other young girls' lives if I were to take this step of faith...
Dear dear Ali, I have read your blog for quite a long while now. My dear, blessings and peace to you {{hugs}} You are brave indeed to share your story, but more -- yes, yes you are a blessed, holy child of God. He forgives, He cradles us all in His arms no matter -- no matter -- the paths we walk or the pits we fall into. We are all of us fragile creatures, fallible. God's mercy is great. He loves and cherishes each one of us for all time.
I remember you sharing your testimony at a retreat. I was in awe of your realness and openness. Growing up around hypocritical christians who somehow felt like not showing their faults was godly.... you were like fresh air. And it showed me, as a doubting struggling teenager, that not every christian is a hypocrite. At that point in my life i was so angry at God and I was tired of trying to appear perfect... because i wasnt. And i knew other christians werent either they just pretended they were. Your testimony helped me so much. You were so real and honest. It was a pivotal moment in my life. Youre in my journal of that year, and if i ever write a book you would be a chapter. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me and email me at that time in my life. I hope i can see you in person again someday. - charity
Stupid pride!