You cared for him by working to save his life and by praying for him. I don't believe you are required to feel something for everyone you minister to; love, after all, is a verb!
It feels presumptuous even writing this, because I honestly don't know what my faith is at this moment in time, and I suspect I haven't grappled with quite the set of beliefs and feelings you are dealing with.
But having said that, it seems to me that love is action as much as emotion, and by being there and doing what you're doing, you are showing - and living - love for this man even if you aren't currently feeling it. Feelings aren't something we can control, and I think sometimes in stressful situations our minds and hearts step back a pace as a coping mechanism, to allow us to continue with what we are doing. (And you've only just come back to the ship and to nursing after a fair time away - it would be understandable if you're not yet emotionally in the swing of things.)
What you can control is how you act, and it is clear to anyone reading your posts that you are doing the things you are called to do, and doing them well.
All of which is to say that while this does make it harder for you right now, I don't think you need to feel guilty about it.
Much love,
Catherine
PS - I will certainly pray for James, to the best of my ability.
I'm in complete agreement with Catherine and Lori. Love is a verb! We're called to love, and by acting lovingly, even without the emotion, you serve God beautifully!
I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. I do not think you need to be emotionally attached to every single patient. You show them love - the kind of love God asks us to show others love, not necessarily feel love for them.
I can only imagine how draining what you do is! Hang in there and keep leaning on Jesus.